You Choose the Mirror of Your Life

My dad taught me how to ride a bike when I was a young boy. One of the simple principles he shared with me was this: “Don’t look at what you want to avoid–If you do, you will hit it!” Sure enough… It happened!

One day I was riding my bike back from the store with a container of milk hanging from the handlebar when all of a sudden I found myself staring at a huge tree trunk. The more I looked at it, the more I twisted my body in the opposite direction in order to avoid hitting it. My strategy simply did not work! In a matter of split seconds I hit the tree trunk head on and got an instant milk bath as a reward!

Here is the catch: “You become what you look at” is one of the basic principles of emotional life. IT NEVER FAILS! It’s like the law of gravity! If your mind entertains and absorbs negative, toxic stuff you will become a negative person. No exceptions! Your behavior will slowly begin to reflect the negative energy that is in your mind. If you look at positive, uplifting stuff your behavior will reflect positive and loving actions. I call this phenomenon the “Mirror of Life.” What you see on the mirror is what you become. What you look at transforms you. What you feed your mind with makes you in time who you are!

So, here is my point. Since this law is irreversible, why not choose the kind of mirror you will look at yourself on carefully? Choose a healthy, positive mirror and become the positive person you want to be. Are you with me?

When my wife divorced me a year ago there were a lot of negative words and accusations said to me prior to and after her departure. I chose to entertain those words for a period of time because I believe there is wisdom in many of the angry and toxic words we hear from someone. Much of what I heard was true, though painful. A wise friend of mine told me a few months ago, “Always listen to your enemy because he will tell you things no one else will dare to tell you.” She was right! There is wisdom to be found in the worst situations of life. But once you get the gems, it’s time to move on and look at what is positive. Entertain negativity and toxicity long enough to understand, grow and become better; THEN MOVE ON!

This is what I have done for a full year since my divorce.

First, I worked through the negative criticism, the truths I heard and the painful words said. Yes, I thought about them, wrote them down and talked to my small group of friends (including my four kids) about them. Then I set aside those things that could help me to become a better man along with an action plan to change, grow and improve myself.

Second, I placed that period of negativity and pain on the backdrop of over 50 years of life since I was a young kid. I thought of what my parents, friends and people told me about myself through the years. I thought of the letters and cards that were written to me through the years. Then I went back and read all the beautiful cards my ex-wife wrote to me for 27 years. I read hundreds of cards full of love and positive comments. I read the ones I wrote to her. I keep one on my desk that she wrote to me a year before she left me. Then I intentionally chose to put behind all the concentrated negativism, bitterness and toxicity that was thrown at me in a period of a few weeks. I chose to look at what contained positive energy even from the woman I loved for 27 years. I chose to listen to my four kids. I chose to listen to my friends. I chose to listen to God as I read my Bible. I chose to listen to God while I prayed and meditated. I chose to remember what other women told me about myself through the years. Looking at what is good affirmed me and filled me with positive energy. Best thing I ever did! I was, therefore, able to forgive, grow, and find freedom in the midst of the worst darkness.

I want to tell you two things.

First, listen to toxic people briefly with the intent to find the gems that will make you a better person. That’s it! There may be things you need to learn about yourself!

Second, stay away from toxic people. Toxic people can mess up your life big time if you let them! Walk away from them, avoid them and when you believe they are toxic accept your truth (what you feel in your tummy) and stay away from them (this is the toughest move because we want to believe that toxic people are not bad). After you give it your best for a peaceful resolution move on! They will mess you up if you allow them to do it. Their heart is set to destroy you while they enact their “agenda”! Toxic people are bad mirrors for your life! By looking at that “mirror” you will become toxic yourself!

What are the marks of toxic people?

1. Envy and an obsessive competitive spirit. Envious people will destroy marriages, their own children, relationships and do whatever to feel better about themselves.

2. A negative critical spirit usually rooted in their own bitterness. They will gossip about you and others. Don’t be a part of their “dark side.” When hear “gossip” remember you are in the company of toxic people. Stop it or walk away!

3. Toxic people are always fearful people. There are two forces in the universe, love and fear. Fear based behavior is always unloving. Fear doesn’t allow a toxic person to encourage you and/or promote you. Their fear will literally “make” them blame you for everything even if you are not responsible. They will twist and create stories to create a reality that matches theirs.

Avoid the company of toxic people even if they are your parents, co-workers, relatives, ex-spouse, in -laws or church members. Instead choose experiences, people and relationships that will “mirror” back to you the true nature of who you are.

What you choose to entertain in your mind is what will make you the person you are.

Listen to God and you will receive positive energy. Choose good friends and solid relationships and they will fill your cup with appreciation. And here is the catch. You must be a positive energy to others. In time you will receive so much positive feedback from those people, out of gratefulness, that you will receive the gift that keeps on giving. What you give to others keeps coming back to you!

Choose a good mirror and you will not only become a source of positive energy but you will bless your world around!